Imagine FiveMikes

People ask me all the time what my favorite holiday is: Christmas? Thanksgiving? Birthdays? I always respond with New Years. There is something magical about 1/1 that invites and encourages new beginning. While it’s simply a new day, the first day of the first month of the year gives us all an opportunity to begin again; a do over; a do better; and a promise to focus on ALL THINGS POSITIVE - #ATP. The physical act of counting down is like a big exhale.

I haven’t made a traditional “New Years Resolution” since being a teenager. As an adult, my constant resolution is give thanks and continue to get better; continue to focus on the things that make life great; and continue to grow. #ATP

With that in mind: there is nothing like a New Years celebration. As I get older, I know there will be a time where New Years will consist of staying in the house, drinking a glass of wine, and going to bed. I get that. But right now, I just can’t see and/or imagine that. I have to celebrate. I have to do more than watch Carson Daily and count down to 1. How can one bring in the new year, sitting on the couch watching TV. Once I get to the age when the partying stops, I will invite all of our friends over w/ kids, and we will bring it in right, while the kids play themselves to sleep upstairs!

You can always tell who the Negative Nellies are in your life when New Years come around. The people that say things like “Thank God 2010 is over,” and “No more BS in 2011,” are the ones that are focusing on the negative. And me? I’m on that positive juice right now. I learned about a new concept in behavioral and professional management at a workshop called “Appreciative Inquiry.” And basically, it’s the concept of making systems and organizations work better and more efficiently by focusing on the things that work well; the things that give life to the organization…and NOT the things that are wrong. I’m all about focusing on ALL THINGS POSITIVE #ATP.

With that said…Happy New Years everyone. Focus on ATP, love, life and all of the things that make you happy. Let’s get it in 2011! Continue to grow, learn, and face your challenges with the same energy you celebrate your victories!

“We tend to deal with our fear of vulnerability by numbing; perfecting; blaming; and pretending” - Dr. Brene Brown

I had a professional development workshop last week that was completely life giving and affirming. The entire time I was in the workshop, I was thinking of all of the people that I had to share this with.

The workshop was on “Wholeheartedness.” As soft as that sounds, the message was very heavy and many people in the group were in tears completely questioning how they connect with others around them; from their partners, to their parents, and their children. The foundation of her conversation was on embracing vulnerability and our (society’s) general inability to “connect” with others.

We viewed a 20 minute video by Dr. Brene Brown (wwww.brenebrown.com) and the presenter is so real and all of her work on wholeheartedness is based on research. It only appears to be fluff on the outside, but this is some real ish. Please…today…if you have 20 during your lunch break, watch this video…take notes…and be open and self aware enough to recognize what you’re doing well, and what areas of your life could change. The video is below.

Here are some quotes that hit me hard (pause), and were also reaffirming.

Those who life wholeheartedly have:

1. The courage to be imperfect
2. the compassion to be kind to themselves and then to others;
3. a connection to others through their own authenticity

4. the capacity to fully embrace vulnerability. (this right here!!!!)

• Vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, creativity, love, and belonging.

• We tend to deal with our fear of vulnerability by numbing (drugs, food, spending), perfecting, blaming, and pretending.(this right here…is too real!) (Our current society is the most obese, most in debt, and most addicted in American history)

• Practice gratitude and joy - particularly in moments of terror

• Believe that you are enough.

• Love with your whole heart, even though there are no guarantees

Here’s her video…PLEASE watch this…talk about it…share it w/ your family and friends…ESPECIALLY during this holiday season…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub 

I’ve sat back and watched all forms of media; entertainment, news, sports, etc; completely crush Michael Vick personally, professionally, almost beyond recognition. The institutions that could/should have spoken up for Michael Vick turned their backs in fear of organizations like PETA, NFL, and the 24 hour news cycle. In general, the Michael Vick supporters allowed the “forces that be” to label Vick’s illegal actions as so deplorable, that he did not deserve the forgiveness that most Americans through history, regardless of their actions, are granted.

Most people that I know are in agreement that his actions were deplorable. However, there seems to be a line drawn whereas most white people that I’ve heard from and talk to believe that Vick’s actions are also unforgivable. Many more blacks and people of color seem to be a bit more lenient in their public and private persecution of Vick. Most people can’t understand how someone could do such horrible things to dogs. In a similar light, I and many people of color can’t and will never understand how our country, the United States of America, could act in a similar light towards black and brown people. So much so, that it was incorporated into the very fabric of this county; The Constitution.

Some people say you can’t compare apples and oranges…but in this case, it’s the unspoken oversight and racism that continue to plague how we view the transgressions of people of color in comparison to the transgressions of whites. It’s now bled into his return to the football field. When Michael Vick runs the ball, he is hit, beat up, and defended in a much more aggressive light, in comparison to Peyton & Eli Manning, Tom Brady, Aaron Rogers (all white). The broadcasters say it’s because of his “athletic ability.” But you and I know, that “athletic ability” has LONG been “code word” for being Black.

As wrong as racism is and has been, there is a “just forget about it” attitude from many in the white community. Yet and still, many have called for the death of Michael Vick and end of his professional career due to the sub-culture that he was born into. As wrong as it is, and considering that Vick spent 2 years in jail…many sports broadcasters and journalist STILL bring up his past and prevents “America” from forgiving and forgetting. Vic is not allowed to move beyond his transgressions in attempts to start his professional career over.

We all understand that we are products of our environment. The biggest predictor of our success (or failure) is the success and/or failure of our parents and the people around us. There are many people (especially in the United States) that are able to go far above and beyond the successes (and failures) of our families, but in general, we are products of our environment. The same forces that encouraged the brutal, unnecessary, greedy, and selfish abuse of black people through slavery and inequality created a generation of racism and sexism that has lasted for CENTURIES. It’s unjustified and completely deplorable, yet the “country” has asked black and brown people to “move on,” and stop using the race card.

The blurb is written to showcase a BLATANT double standard that no one in the mainstream is brave enough to talk about. Defenders of culture, hip hop artists, cultural educators…shame on you. Come to the defense of this man. He spent 2 years of his life in jail..away from his family…and yet and still, all we can talk about is his transgressions against dogs. Come on, son.

If you are surrounded by people that are NOT empowering you…do whatever you can to get away from those people. The people around you should be adding to your life. Now, just because they are not adding something that feels good to you, doesn’t mean that they aren’t empowering you. Sometimes, the strongest, most bitter medicine, is the most helpful for you. However, as an adult, you should be able to recognize when people are not adding to your life; and only taking from your source. No one…I repeat…NO ONE deserves that. Surround yourself with people that love you…with people that respect you…and with people that you respect. That’s my wish for all of you in 2011. Don’t get caught up in making ridiculous New Years Resolutions. Simply promise surround yourself with positive energy and people in positive places. Everything else will fall in line!

Peace in 2011!

The idea of Manhood, is nebulous like black holes
And harder to find that Saddam in man holes
And they say you’re defined by those around you
But what if nothing but assholes surround you
They say you can find a definition on TV
But who’s our role models, Sean Carter, Cosby
Out of touch with reality like PS3 games
The only reason we listen is the strength of your last name
We all know that you’re so out of touch
Looking over his glasses, looking down on us
So condescending
So reprimanding
So not-seeing-the issues-from the pedestal your standing
Maintaining the same frame of mind is just insane
‘Specially when you’re getting older and you’re losing membranes
Sayin’ you’re a soldier to avoid the mundane
Means nothing to me, like Chic-fil-a on Sundays
They ask “how you doin,” and you say “Maintainin’?”
But what’s “Maintain’” when you’re covering pain
The idea of manhood means nothing to women
Just a battle for position while pushin’ and pullin’
And in my humble O-PIN-ION
Most ladies can’t keep a man, cuz you don’t understand them
See, you believe all the BS like Mars and Venus
We don’t think w/our hearts, right, and only with our penis
And while sometimes that might be true
Deep down inside you want the same things too
See, Society teaches us to be less expressive
And internalize the bullshit and everyday stresses
So, while you cry from cards in hallmark stores
We become cold inside and clench our jaws
This could be a reflection of the lines I just mentioned
Or it may be a simple cry out for attention
See, we’re a little more complex than TV may say
To them, we’re all thugs, drug dealers, wife beaters, or gay
But what about the providers, the fathers, the teachers,
The soldiers, the preachers, the doctors, the leaders
The idea of Manhood means more, and I hope ya
Not listening to everything you hear on Oprah
Her ideas are hers, and opinions they may be
But how you have shows on motherhood, but ain’t got no babies?
Shows about relationship and keeping your life in order
With no man, a chef, and an assistant to take orders
Just keep that in mind,
When you’re standing behind
Every book club, every show, every line
If anything, first learn knowledge of self
And soon come prosperity, the love, and the wealth
See, the idea of manhood means more than it may seem
More than the future of a young boy’s dream
From birth to death, and everything in between
Honoring, loving, and respecting your Queen
Is the cornerstone of what being a King is
And with all, the damn thing is
They still portray us as being cavemen
We still seeing the aftermath of being slaves, man
Trying to get out of this box, but the damn lock sticks
So many of our relationships are so damn toxic
Most people have no idea, forreal
Or do they really care, forreal
Turning to books, blogs, and bogus banter of us black boys
Is like turning to TV, just to hear the white noise
On every channel, do you see how they depict me?
My grandmother would say “A look at dem Picnee.
The idea of manhood is relatively uncharted
And that’s exactly the reason I started
In a way that’s a little more appeasing
Than me standing up here yelling or screaming,
while beating my chest,
But hey, that’s what we do best…
RIGHT?

#AskFiveMikes - coming soon - Stay Tuned!